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Calorie counter

Calorie counter (for sexual activities)
REMOVING CLOTHES:

With partners consent..........12
Without partner’s consent.....187

UNHOOKING BRA:

Using two calm hands............7
Using one trembling hand.......36
Lifting partner................15
Dragging partner on floor......16

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:

For normal healthy man..........2.5
Losing erection................14
Searching for it..............115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:

With erection...................1.5
Without erection..............300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:

If the women who does it is
Experienced.....................6
Inexperienced..................73
If a man does it .............680
(Add 5 calories for retrieving it from across the room.)

SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:

Bouncing........................7
Sliding around..................9
Serious skidding...............12
Whiplash.......................27

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:

Shoes flew off.................35
Expression didn’t change........1/2
Orchestra swelled...............6

BIRDS SANG

Large birds.....................7
Small birds.....................3
Earth moved....................30

PULLING OUT

After orgasm....................1/2
few moments before orgasm..500
For women.......................3
For men .......................72
Sex on your lunch hour..........3
Putting it on expense account..20

AGGRAVATION:

Partner insists on cuddling the dog
during foreplay................14
Partner visits bathroom for 7th
time...........................10
Partner taking phone calls......7
Partner making phone calls.....40

GETTING CAUGHT:

By your partners spouse........60
By your spouse................100
Trying to explain..............55
Trying to remain calm.........100
Leaping out of bed.............75
Getting dressed in one motion.500
Thanking partner quickly........2

Submitted By: Anonymous...