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TV Quotes

Jon Snow : "In a sense, Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"
Expert : "Er, yes."
(Channel 4 News)

"As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other."
(John Sleighthome -- BBC1)

"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."
(Jimmy Hill -- BBC)

"Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussey -- four very different names."
(Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)

"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
(Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)

Listener : "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe : "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"
(Talk Radio)

Interviewer : "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old : "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
(BBC Radio 4)

Presenter (to palaeontologist) : "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"
Expert : "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth."
Presenter : "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Expert : "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."
(GLR)

Kilroy-Silk : "Did you mean to get pregnant?"
Girl : "No. It was a cock-up."

Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald : "Sex is an anti-climax after that!"
Desmond Lynam : "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that."
(BBC)

"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day."
CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?"
STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live

"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
RAY WILKINS, BBC1

"I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..."
ALAN SUGAR, BBC1

"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
RON AKTINSON, Carling FA Premiership WWW Page

"Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..."
Carling FA Premiership WWW Page

"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."
DAVE BASSETT, Sky Sports

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals."
PETER WITHE, Radio 5 Live

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals."
ALAN GREEN, Radio 5 Live

"What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...."
SIMON FANSHAWE, Talk Radio

"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards..."

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..."
ANDY GRAY, Sky Sport

"The lad got over-excited when the saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes."
STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live

"They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them."
BRIAN MOORE, ITV

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold

"The lads really ran their socks into the ground."
ALEX FERGUSON

"He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender -- he was facing one at the front and one at the back as well."
TREVOR STEVEN, STV

"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
Radio 5 Live

"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals."
TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day

"...an excellent player, but he [Ian Wright] does have a black side."
GARY LINEKER, BBC

"We say `educated left foot'... of course, there are many players with educated right foots."
RON JONES, Radio 5 Live

"That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the goal."
BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live

"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
BRUCE RIOCH, ITV

"And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."
JOHN MOTSON, BBC

"... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied to his foot with a ball of string..."
IAN DARKE, Radio 5

"When I said they'd scored two goals , of course I meant they'd scored one".
RTE Commentator GEORGE HAMILTON

"He's pulling him off.The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off !".
GEORGE HAMILTON as Butreguanio comes off against Ireland.

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